Hardees vs. Carl's Jr.

So, I live on the Eastern Seaboard. Atlanta, GA, specifically. And although I have traveled in the Northeast and the Texas-side of the Southwest, I have never yet encountered a Carl's Jr. Instead, at least here in the South, we have Hardees. And trust me, as a kid, I dug Hardees a lot. I would actually choose it over McD's and BK any day. I think that it might be due to one of my favorite fast food meals of all time. Basically it looked like this:

Yes. The Ultimate Omelet Biscuit. Hey, give me some slack--it used to be much smaller. I remember that this was one of the highlights of traveling to see my grandparents. We didn't each much fast food in my house--my mom is a great cook and loves doing it, so we only ate take-out when we were on the way somewhere. Anyway, this is always how I saw Hardees. And, back in the 80s and 90s, they also served fried chicken. Yeah, like KFC stylie. And it wasn't bad. Then they undertook a gigantic makeover. And this was when I finally understood the pull of Hardees' West Coast sister-company, Carl's Jr..

In addition to several problems that I have with Carl's Jr.--mostly dealing with their insane commercials--I also take issue with their choice of foodstuffs. The most recent example? ThAT would be their attempt at marrying two extremely crazy foods:

I present the Philly Cheese-steak burger:

That's right. It's what this franchise likes to call a "Thickburger" and a Philly cheese steak. And, like many ferocious fast food concoctions, it actually looks like this:

Yeah, it hurts my brain too.

You may ask, "Crazy-hippie-food-blogger, what does this mammoth creation entail?"

Well, true believers, here goes:

Calories: 750
Fat (g): 45
Cholesterol: 105 (mg)(that's nearly half of one's daily allowance)

So, while it isn't the worst possible choice--especially when compared to The Six-Dollar Burger that Carl's Jr. and Hardees both advertised several years ago. But it is still effing insane.

Did I say 'mad with power'?

Because what I really meant was effing cah-razy...

Frozen Banana Split?

Holy Jesus. Is this better or worse than her doughnut-egg-bacon-cheese burger?

I am thinking that they are both some sign of a coming apocalypse.

A couple of things...

Greetings foodies. it's been awhile. Sorry, I was off getting hitched and had little time for scary foodstuffs. However, I have found that there have been a few frightening developments in fast food.

Just view that "eye-candy" for a moment and get back to me once it sinks in.

Also, the Japanese are always insane--especially at McD's:

While on honeymoon, we actually found a burger that is (suspiciously) like the Vortex's Double Bypass burger. We did not try it--would you? I am all for ridiculous burgers; but man--add eggs and grilled cheese sammies, and I am OUT.

That is all I have the energy for right now. Catch you on the flipside!

Harrisonburg will forever remain a school lunch cautionary tale...

I will never stop going back to this--as a perfect example of just how scary school food can be:

Harrisonburg, VA Lunch Craziness

(Thank you Ann-drea, for jogging my memory)

Hmm, no wonder I stuck with soft pretzels and mustard.

Jumping the Shark.

My next task, as soon as I have the time, is to make a site called pauladeenjumpedtheshark.com or pauladeenismadwithpower.com...

What do ya'll think?

Pizza Hut Strikes Again...

Pizza Hut is a frequent health violator. I mean, they have those heart-attack-inducing Toscani Pasta boats. And of course, my personal favorite, Meat-Lovers Stuffed Crust Pizza (which I have said before, I will never eat again. Not after finding out how many calories and how much fat one slice has--550cal/27g fat--scary crap).

But not to be outdone...by...um, themselves, Pizza Hut has now introduced the "Ultimate Stuffed Crust Pizza":

And yes; this is, unfortunately, real. For $12.99 and a down payment on your cholesterol, you can get a 3-topping pizza with Sausage, pepperoni, bacon, and cheese stuffed into that boring old crust. What this means is that, basically, you COULD get sausage, pepperoni, and bacon ON the pizza as well--making it essentially a meat lovers meat stuffed crust pizza.

As the cunning wordsmith Gwen Stefani so eloquently state, "That s*** is bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S)...So what about the "nutrition" facts: Hold onto your stomachs folks...(drumroll, please...)

wait, WHAT? It has fewer calories and fat than regular meat-lovers stuffed crust? Shenanigans! Oh, ok...that is if you get just cheese on the pizza.

Hey, I say go all out. If you are going to consume this monstrosity, really DO IT. Don't be a wimp. Get a meat-lovers meat stuffed pizza. That's like 8 serving of meat. I might actually have to try this at some point.

Don't you judge me!

Red Robin: Yum?

I like Red Robin. They have good food. I mean, this isn't Mickey Dee's or anything. It's actually food; instead of something resembling food. I really like their chicken wraps, in particular. They're parm fries are pretty darn good too (although packed with fat and calories--besides the fact that they are bottomless, which is dangeresque...

And yes, their burgers are really tasty. But this...

...is ridiculous...It's called the Prime Chophouse Burger. It's a perennial favorite. But, as always, I was curious...So I checked the nutritional info:

Calories: 1271
Fat: 82g (the site claims no saturated fat--but I call shenanigans) this is 127% of your daily allowance of fat.
Sodium: 2322mg

so I was curious. How does the other food stack-up? (pardon the pun)

Warning! Do NOT get the onion rings if you care to live much longer! 2000 calories and 112g of fat--yeah, you might share these...but even if you eat half, you are still screwed.

HOLY CRAP! The Chicken Caesar wrap has 1600 calories (with fries)...never eating that again. I might as well get a freaking burger. Speaking of which...there are a few options that (although not great) are better alternatives to the above chophouse burger or the surprising Caesar wrap (note: also steer-clear of the chicken avocado wrap--it's even worse!):

1. Simply Grilled Chicken Sandwich
It's just what it says: but it is pretty good. Just skip the cheese. Try spicy mustard instead.

Calories: 420
Fat: 8g (and tons of protein)

2. Stick to soups--even the bowls don't surpass the 500 calorie mark. Try the Chicken tortilla soup--it's very good, full of protein, and is 414 calories for a large bowl. (Note: always avoid chili--not just at RR--anywhere--it almost always has hidden fat. Exception: Wendy's chili--tons of veggies and leanish meat--and just a little over 200cals)

Nevermind...these are the ONLY things on the menu worth getting if you don't want to die tomorrow. Nice list huh? My suggestion? Skip RR and make your own turkey burger...