Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Burger King "Breakfast"?

So everyone knows that commercials get old once you've seen/heard them about a million times. And there are some scary commercials on TV. (take Snuggie Cult to the tune of the Macarena, for example--it's very irritating, mostly because The Macarena ends up in your head for the rest of the day.) Another irritating series of commercials come straight from fast food Hades; otherwise known as Burger King.

The official BK website has this truly frightening "have it your way" flash "game"; in this "game", you build a meal--this ends up being an exercise in recreating Frankenstein's monster. It is truly disturbing. So breakfast at BK in "all new" and all scary. Take this for example:

Pile of breakfast crap.

the nutritional info alone is enough to send your heart into arrhythmia. It reminds me of An Old Favorite, which was taken off the market soon after its release. Why then can BK sell something that is much worse for you and likely tastes just as horrible? And here's another offender: The Breakfast Ciabatta Club Sandwich...Ewwwwww. I have to admit, the blueberry biscuits look good, but I still wouldn't be caught dead eating them. Then there's the breakfast bowl. Wow...what would Patton Oswalt have to say about this.

And why does everyone have a bowl of some kind now? It's scary. Like PO said, "here, have some pre-chewed mush". Gross.

So here's a question, which fast food breakfast is the worst, in your opinion? Curious a to what you all think.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Food Network Epic Fail

I love Food Network. Most people who know me know this fact as well. However, sometimes they do something so shocking, so horrible, that it merits discussion...

Paula Deen is usually the Numero Uno culprit as well...

And THIS catastrophe is certainly one of the most disturbing.

Burgers + eggs + bacon = coronary

When you add doughnuts as buns? That is just wrong in about a hundred different ways. Paula Deen: you are out of control. Stop now!

(Thank you Whit, for this awesome suggestion! You are my favorite contributor!)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Fast Food Might Kill you. Or just make you fat.

...Which you already knew...But here's more proof:

272 Highest Calorie Fast Food items

you heard me. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

5 Dumbest Names for Fictional Hangouts.

This is food related...kinda...

So, Eric and I are watching Smallville today and the cutesy quips and ironically-named characters and subplot points made me think of other great shows with similarly contrived naming-schemes.


What ARE the worst/dumbest/least-thought-out names for hangouts on our old favorite TV shows/movies? Here's my Top (Bottom) 5:

5. Cafe Nervosa, "Frasier"

Let me be clear. I like Frasier. I never liked Cheers, but the wildly successful and infinitely cleverer (more clever sounds better to me too, but grammar tells me "no!"). The idiosyncratic banter and perfectly stylized plot and dialogue make the show completely awesome in my book. But really? "Cafe Nervosa? It's like a bad dream in which coffee is a bad thing. HA! Nervous? I'm not nervous; you're nervous. Stop looking at me!

4. The Peach Pit, "Beverly Hills, 90210"

Ok gals. We all LOVED this show as kids. We thought we were so cool and adult for watching a show about rich (and frankly boring) teens who had "serious" problems. (Case in point: Donna's Virginity: will she or won't she and when, if ever?). I specifically remember sitting in a hotel room in Washington DC with my 5th grade Focus friends and saying "NO WAY!" a lot. Good times. However, "The Peach Pit" is a terrible name for a hangout. Especially if its not in G-E-O-R-G-I-A. Yes, yes, California has peaches--but they are not the "Peach State". The name itself is less cute and kitschy and more silly and contrived. I believe I remember hunky Dillon at some point saying, "Let's meet at the pit." Not so hunky anymore, eh ladies?

3. The Max, "Saved by the Bell"

Saved by the Bell was admittedly cheese custard with cheese danish, covered in cheese sauce. But the silly escapades at their local hangout, The Max (named after the crazy magician owner) were less cheesecake and more limburger. But hey, you gotta at least give it "street-cred" for early 90's over-the-top-ness. At least they weren't actually at The Max when Jessie had her diet-pill-induced psychotic-break. All together now: "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared..."

2. Central Perk, "Friends"

It's a dumb name. I love the city. I marginally like the show. Don't be cutesy. The name blows. That's all I have...

1. The Beanery, "Smallville"

Again, I love the show. Some of it is silly and sophomoric, but it's good and has weathered the test of time (now into its 10th season). It just that a person who loves comic books and terribly witty teen dramas needs a certain level of creativity. The Beanery? Why don't you just call it "It's a Grind"? (Weeds reference, if anyone missed it).

Anyhow, we love our addictive TV shows. 90's, 2000's and beyond. We grew up with them. But I can't help but thinking, the writers could have tried just a bit harder.

Bad Food Famousness

Check me out: I made it onto The Internets. Kinda...They posted my worst dip i ever ate:

And it was...

Heed my warning and stay away from Trader Joe's food in general. You've been warned.